THE APPLE DON'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE.

so livin in a house with 3 chix can get a little on the crazy side. even more so when your 2 daughters wanna be just like mom. "let's go shopping". "let's buy pink stuff." as you can tell if it wasn't for my wiener, i might have self-doubt. i havent had contact with my ol' man in over 20 years but when i look in the mirror, i can see traces of him. left upon me without him knowin. so imagin to my surprise when my oldest child, whom never wants anything to do with skateboarding(accept for the fashion) and dad's music, had done............... so my buddy gives me a gg shirt. and i leave it on the chair when all of a sudden rylie has it on and throwin up the horns. i really don't think she even knew what she was doin. it was the genetic code built in her chromosomes that took over. she has never listened to gg a day in her life. i told kelly when she hits 16 i will show her the epicness know as gg. oh wait i just had a thought. maybe if some dude shows up tryin to date her, i will show him the gg photo then make him watch the documentary , and be like" this is what she is into dude, since she was like 9" so hopefully it will spook homie out. so i wont look like a dick by tossin out all these asssholes comin around to hang with my daughter. well long story short. if you have kids and they wanna be the polar opposite of you, don't worry cuz they will end up bein kinda like you, even if they don't wanna. and for the record rylie slept in this shirt.

THE SEARCH FOR ANIMAL CHIN

SOMETIMES WHEN YOUR NOT LOOKING FOR IT, IT JUST SHOWS UP. APPARENTLY ANIMAL CHIN HAS HIS OWN PLACE WHEN HE DOESN'T WANNA SKATE. ROAD TRIPS RULE.I WENT UP NORTH LOOKIN FOR SPOTS WITH MY BUDDIES RUSS AND GOMER. AND I THINK THIS PHOTO IS FROM 92 OR 93. CHECK THE SHANTS... SKATEBOARDING WENT THRU A WIERD ONE THAT YEAR.

METALLICA BREAKS DOWN

one day me and tony were skatin the park with these older dudes brook and jeremy. it was winter time and jeremy told me and tony that we could get free passes to snowboard at northstar from him plus a place to stay. so we said "allright" and fueled up my piece of shit jetta.we get up there ride all day and head to a mexican joint with jeremy for dinner. well outta the blue one of our homies lurch from rosa shows up with his mechanic buddy. he tell me and tony how he is workin on james hetfields blazer cuz it broke down. so we asked where it was and proceded the next day to go find it and shoot some photos. i mean a dude from metallica drives this thing. and being the metal heads that me and tony were. photographs were needed. so we got the photos and bailed out before we got caught. so we rode again on the mountain. snow brucin it up and hop in the jetta for the 5 hour ride home. about 2 hours into into it the jetta dies waiting in traffic due to a accident. well i can pull over and the next thing i know some redneck is push starting my car with his truck. i think we got whiplash when he hit us. mind you i never got outta my car to ask for help. come to find out i had a bad battery after i get home but we made it in one piece. and got to see a piece of metal history, on the way.

PEG LEG J-LO

ahhh..... where to start with this photo. what i love about my buddy brian, is that my life always seems to get captured by him. whether it be skateboarding or thru life hammers. well this one falls under lifehammer. one night brian was d.j.'n at this bar in rosa, and he told me, uncle josh, and good ol' adam bulger to come out and check the scene. well i think this was around the time my first daughter was born and my wife was a stay at home mom. so the chalker had no money to party with. so luckily i had some mini bottles of jagermiester in my freezer for just such an occasion. so we get to the bar, and behold 4 bottles of mini jagermiester make it in with me. so i guzzle em' down and get a nice little buzz, while brian is spinnin some tunes, and josh and bulger are kickin it with me. its a pretty cool night. then all of a sudden this chick walks in the door. where we were sittin we were lookin right at everyone comin in the door. so i see this chick walkin in with a cane, and sparkling white clothes with the little hat. and i went "holy shit" does this broad think she is j.lo well little did i know she did. so anyways the night is goin good i have a a couple of homies buy me some beers, and i am rollin. well low and behold peg leg low is givin me the 5 mile stare. so she procedes to come sit next to me and chat up a storm. and the whole time she is tryin to get me to back to her place. i tell her that i am not interested and this only makes her try harder. so she is like o.k. then dance with me. i don't normally dance but i was pretty wasted. so i am thinking. all right. this will make her leave me alone. so thats when this photo got snapped. but she still wouldn't leave my side. she sat next to me after the song was over. all these guys were tryin to hit on her. but she only seemed focused on me. i was bummed. i was hopin that she would hit it off with some other dude. i even told her i had a lady and a baby. and it seemed to turn her on. so i turned the focus on her what do you do? blah blah blah. when she hit me with the mother of all knowledge. that she was an amputee. she was missing half her leg. thats when i was like "doh". i all of a sudden conjured up fantasies of me behind her. kinda like getting of a motorcycle and putting down the kickstand. which by the way is the reason for the cane. so finally its time to bail and she is trying to give me her phone number, which i toss, and head home. sleep on the couch and wake up the next day and tell my lady what happened. so she replies "she didn't want you". " nobody wants you". " you are lucky that i want you". it's nice to know that my baby's momma is with me out of pity. when i coulda hooked up witha ghetto ass version of jennifer lopez. i am just glad when shit like this happens,at least my homies can feel my pain. and know that sometimes being chalker can be a blessing and a curse.

PIRATES BOOTY

SO TODAY I GET A CALL FROM HENDO TO GO HELP HIM PICK UP A RACK FOR HIS CD'S FROM THE GOODWILL. WHEN WE GO TO TALKING BOUT HOW MUCH COOL SHIT YOU CAN FIND. SO THATS WHEN I TOLD HIM THIS ONE........I USED TO LIVE DOWNTOWN, IN A VICTORIAN MADE INTO A APT. IT WAS ALSO DIRECTLY ACROSS FROM THE SALVATION ARMY. SO ME AND TONY ARE DOWN IN THE BACK OF THE BUILDING HANGING OUT ON THIS COUCH (WHICH WE TOOK FROM THIER PARKING LOT). WHEN WE SEE THIS CAR DUMPIN ALL KINDS OF STUFF IN THE LOT. THEY WERE CLOSED ON SUNDAYS SO BASICALLY PEOPLE JUST DUMPED THIER UNWANTED GOODS, SO ME AND TONY WOULD SWOOP ON IT LIKE SKATE PIRATES.WE WOULD ALWAYS FIND COOL SHIT LIKE ROCK SHIRTS, OR RECORDS, TOYS, AND THE OCCAISONAL WORKING GADGET FOR THE HOME. BUT THIS PARTICULAR DAY WAS HEAVEN SENT. TONY IS ON ONE END OF THE PARKING LOT AND I AM ON THE OTHER. WHEN I STUMBLE ON THIS BLACK GARBAGE BAG. IT WAS FULL TO THE TOP. I THOUGHT IT WAS CLOTHES. SO I DUG IN, AND A RAY OF SUNSINE POPPED OUT. "HOLY FUCK!" I YELLED TO TONY. CHECK THIS SHIT OUT. WE WERE BOTH STUNNED. IT WAS A GARBAGE BAG FULL OF PORNO MAGS!!!!!! SO WE RAN BACK OVER TO THE COUCH AND STARTED SCOPIN THEM OUT. THERE WERE SO MANY THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START. THERE WAS ALL KIND OF SHIT IN THERE. BUT ONE OF THE MAGS WAS SPECIAL IT WAS LIKE FINDING THE GOLDEN TICKET TO GET INTO WONKAS FACTORY, BUT FOR PORNO LOVERS. I WAS LOOKIN AT A OLD HUSTLER WHEN THIS POPPED OUT. I WAS SO STOKED, I CHECKED EVERY MAG IN THAT BAG FOR ANOTHER ONE.BUT THERE WAS ONLY ONE. WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW RAD THIS IS. I HAVE HAD IT FOR MANY YEARS TUCKED AWAY FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT. AND NOW ITS TIME. I MAY NEVER WIN THE CALIFORNIA LOTTERY, BUT AT LEAST I KNOW I WON THE PORNO MAG LOTTO.
********CLICK ON THE PHOTO TO READ THE NOTE*****

******ON A SIDE NOTE IT SHOULD BE KNOWN THAT I TOOK ALL THESE MAGS ON A SKATE TRIP WITH LIKE 10 OF MY TEAM MATES AND THEY WERE STOKED. AT ON POINT THE WHOLE BACK OF THE VAN WAS COVERED IN NAKED CHIX. AND THEN I DECIDED SINCE IT WAS A RENTAL TO UNZIP ALL OF THE UPHOLSTERY IN THE VAN AND HIDE NAKED LADIES IN THE SEATS, JUST IN CASE THE NEXT CREW THAT GOT THE VAN WAS BORED AND WANTED TO FIND A LITTLE TREASURE OF THIER OWN.

----------------A QUOTE FROM ADAM BULGER AFTER THIS 2 WEEK TRIP. "YOU WOULD THINK THE PORN WOULD GET OLD, BUT IT JUST DON'T"

SAY MY NAME, SAY MY NAME............

whats in a name? people always wanna know how i got stuck with my nickname. its a ukiah thing i guess. so i composed a list of my homies and there respective code names. if i forgot about someone, i am sorry i am just getting old.
victor, isaac, and dustin kenyon-----the chalkers
brian hederson------hollywood hendo
jeff henderson-----jetski
josh powner-----uncle josh
matt kehoe--------killa hoe
james mueller-------ol' dirty james
mike rusczyk------the ruska
matt ramierez-------mexi matt
john steele------the nancy steele
eric gonzales----------gonz
mike carli-----metal mike
jesse palmer-----juice tiger
tony evenjth------eves
louis ponnick---------sweet lou
jeremy the biker-------germ
john ponts-----ponts a relli
dave marchand------davey havok
mark blackwelder------mark stillborn
adam carson----adama
nick jones----nick 13
jeff tealander----jeff kresge
chon travis-----shae dog love
brandon virgin---nodnarb
matt wilson-----tam
aaron fogleman------fogie
kevin knight-----the hitcher
ryan zepaltas----zappy
tony trujillo-----tnt
arron browe-----eyebrow
adam crew-----toebock
lionel laroacha-----the loach
jon lohna----j low
chris bryant---c murda
adam bulger----the bulge
gabe zavalla------sergio
willie-----one eye willie
chris wells-----crizzle
joe-----joey buttafukko
tony manfre----manfreak
marlon-----marlon manson
jeebidiah----jebba
phil----beanie bill phil
nick kniep---nick the knife
pabst blue ribbon---pbr
deni---dennis
josh bonner-----the silver surfer
anthony-----lurch
greg reed-----greed
dewey wilson-----diaper dewey
-----now these are only the nicknames i can remember.
pugsly
cashew
men at work
nacho
boo-boo
shakey
fritch
smithers
barney
gomer
squidbeak
home wrecker

DUECES WILD

mexi matt is one of the coolest dudes ever. we have takin a few rides on some far out locations and have always seemed to have a good time. i don't know what the deal is but we have always understood each other(no homo). may be mexicans and italians can get along? so any ways this tale takes us back to the palimino house. which by the way is another story i might tell after this one followed by the benton house and then the crappy. so one day me and matt are chillin at the palimino house bout ready to go skate. i am sittin in my old chair and matt is on the couch. i let out this huge fart and repulses matt. so he moves across the room. when i say "there is no escape!" so i grab my knees to let out a huge fart. only there is no air, but a semi-solid. where there was once a huge roar was replaced by the sound of water gushing out of my ass. " i think i shit my pants!" and all i hear is matt laughing across the room. so i run to the bathroom holding my butt cheeks together. i get to the toilet and shit my guts out. my stomach is in knots. then matt kicks the door in pulls my underwear out of my pants and says "oh yeah, you shit em". but this is only the tip of the iceburg. that house had some kind of duece spell on it. because on numerous occaisions i would pick up matt and he would be passed out from the night before with his undies full of dookie. so i really don't know wher to go from her but make sure to always bring an extra pair of pants.