Monday, June 30, 2008
so here is another one. what i love about my little commercials, is when i put em' on myspace i get people askin when is the video comin out? but anyone who reads this knows that i make these for all the homies to get a little chuckle. so now its time for the pizza chief to shine. aka jeff aka jetski. so raise a tall in the air for another skatedad still holding down. and for all those myspace chodes.......get out and skate with your friends, cuz one day you might end up like us.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
sorry folks i have been on vacation, so if you haven't had your fill of random bullshit, here is some more. so i decided to go to disneyland on vacation with my family. holy shit i have never seen so many fat asses in my life. i felt anorexic at times, but that is another story.but after a couple of days, me and kelly started noticing all these bad tattoos. like it was some form of prerequisite to get thru the gates. if i woiuld have thought of it earlier i would have filmed them and made em into another commercial, oh well. so i found some to scope out so you get the point, but the worst one was this baby in a diaper with two guns. that guy was the winner. my crappy drawing of it is probably doin it some justice. so fukk next time you are in a big area with crazees you might find the humor like i did.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
-----if you havent seen this ad on t.v. then you better watch it. cuz i just got a a new spin on it. so say you are out drinkin and you spill your beer. and we all know this happens all the time. you usually get bummed. but not now with the new chalker...."BEER-WOW"(c). you can put this little rag right on top of the spill and suck up the spilled beer and ring it out back in the can. no more beer abuse. and i should also note that i wanted to call it the beer towel, but when i called tony to explain the idea. he said it should be the "BEER WOW"(c). so now if my idea gets picked up, i would like to thank tony. DRINK UP BUTTER CUP!
-------it should also be known as well that you could totally bring booze into venues with this bad boy. just pour a bottle of petron in a bowl. suck it up. put in your
bag, and if you get searched, they will never know. "oh thats a wet towel to put on my head in the sun" o.k. sir have a good time. and once your in wring it into a cup and blammo......lets turn it up to eleven.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
-----today i was bombarded with questions by 13 year olds on how to get sponsored. i feel bad for them because when i was at that age skateboarding, we never thought about that shit. me and my little brothers just wanted to scour ukiah, and find everything we could skate on. but i guess that makes me sound old, cuz thanks to the hex-gaymes, everyone wants the big sponsor deal. so i tried to tell them just skate the way you like, travel and meet tons of people. we all know from being in skateboarding for so long that it is all about who you know. so if you do the above, and don't act like a ass-wipe you can get hooked up. look at me for petes sake. 35, married with 2 kids, and skates like a douche. i am not marketable at all. and still seem to hold it down. so if you kids need a visual out there, here it is. be yourself. cuz if you are that stylee, you will get a ride just like this guy. one of the best video parts in that last few years, and nobody knows who richie jackson is. so if you wanna keep lookin fo el toro or hollywood high, so be it. no matter what you do down them this guy will out style you. everyone knows how bad i hate hippies. but this guys part is ruling.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
well this is another story when i was with eric an john steele in santa cruz. so we are all partying down at my brothers house(vic chalker). when he is totally wasted. this kid named johnny hopped a ride on this mini tour with us was partying pretty hard. when outta no where vic yells "you gotta eat this squid beak, or get the fukk outta my house" to johnny. and if you don't know vic he can get kinda aggro. so he is yellin and everyone else is yellin, for this kid to chomp on a squid beak. when the next thing you know johnny is crunchin this shit between his teeth. the whole house went into a loud "fuck yeah!"....this kid had earned it. from that day forth he was known as squid beak. one of the craziest nick names out there. so know you know how one guy earned his name. and badge of honor. and we also learned that when vic chalker is yellin at you. you might as well do as he says, cuz he will heckle you till he passes out from too much booze.
so one day, many years ago i was on this little trip, when i rode for porn star clothing. so my buddy eric heads up to portland for a couple of days and we are gonna met up in santa cruz. well in between the time i am to meet up with him, i see at the LBC they are gonna have a cinderella show. so a couple of days later i meet up with eric down in santa cruz and tell him bout this show of epic proportions. i was all "fuck yeah " cinderella is comin to town. i was stoked. so when eric heard this he was stoked for me. cuz eric is one of a few that understands my weird taste in music, since i grew up a hesher. so i told him tickets go on sale in a couple of weeks and that was that. about 3 months later eric calls me up from santa barbra to see how life was goin. we he asked me "how was that cinderella show?"
oh man , i said. so i called up the ticket place to buy some tix, when i asked the lady is it the original line up? and she seemed perplexed. you know the band. and she said what. then i said the band cinderella they play rock and roll. is it the original guys? thats wen she hit me with the bad news. i am sorry sir this isn't a rock band, it's the disney version. i was so bummed, here i was pumped to hear "nobody's fool" and all i got was the thought of a glass slipper stuck in my head. so to this day eric claims this story is one of his favorites. i always seem to forget about it, till we are drinking and he breaks it out........good on ya eric. thanks for keepin a pub tale alive.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
at some point my kids are gonna want to know how their father and mother met. and i am sure like most girls they are gonna have grand thoughts of romance and chivalry. on the contrary. i was at the skatepark one day crusin around. when i saw this chick with a 12 pack of pabst. so i struck up a conversation with her so i could bum a beer. so i was thinkin how do i get this chick back to my place? at the time i had a siamese cat and thought hey wanna go back to my place and check it out. and she said yes and many moons later rylie was born. so long story short met kelly at the skatepark cuz she had a 12 pack of pbr and the rest is history. was it destiny who knows? but one thing is for sure this aint no t.v. romance, straight ussr style.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
have you ever noticed that 99.9 percent of all skaters drink pabst. over the years i have had people tell me that they wouldn't drink it if you paid em'. but these weren't skaters. skateboarders have always been at the forefront of everything that needs to get thru life. whether it be music, fashion, art and whatever else people need to operate their daily lives. i know for me gettin a twelvie means that i can find it at most places and it is always cheap. talls or on tap, pbr is the way to go. you get done skatin, take that first pull and.....bam! you are gulpin down 12 ounces of systematic purification. thats why its called jumpin juice. you grab your board and get some.... its like a motivator as well. you take a swig, put down the can. hop on yer board and back tail around the bend. fukk you may wonder why i am rambling about pabst? i don't know it has been a staple of my life for many years. i have heard people trashin her for years but guess what. there has been a grain shortage in the u.s. and prices of beer have been goin up. you can still geta twelver for under 7 bux. so know all these lame asses are tryin to jump on the program cuz, their 12 pack of crap beer just went up to 14 dollars. all of a sudden it is cool to drink pabst, cuz in tis time of recession people are buckling down on those wallets. so now i hear "hey i found this great beer, pabst have you heard of it?" what the fuck? now every time i go to the store to get me some pbr the shelf is empty. where were these assholes when they closed down the plant in olympia? if it wasn't for skaters pabst would be a memory on the pallets of beer drinkers of yore. so to all you wankers buyin up skaters beer....."FUCK OFF!"