REAL TALK.

what i love about trips whit my buddies is that you learn somthin new. or at least a twist on somethin you already knew. when you are consuming tall cans, while you are camping "real talk" comes out. don't worry when i get some photos from the trip i will share some more stories. but for now you need to remember, "real talk"......thanks niko for getting this stuck in a lot of peoples brain.

BRING YOUR DAUGHTER ---A CUP OF WATERRRR!

so last night i watched a iron maiden concert on vh1 classic from rio in 99' and it ruled. so then i remembered this video i ran across. these kids kick ass. i only hope that my kids, will soon follow. but check the little girl in front, she reminds me of my niece.

CALL OF THE WILD.

well i guess it's time to roll on another trip which means many spots and tall cans shall get wrecked. which made me think there are some basic... silent, but understood rules of the road. cuz we all know there is nothin worse than bein on a trip with some idiots that don't get it. the main reason i like headin out on the road is, i get to hang with some of my friends that i wouldn't normally get to skate with and we get to skate some cool spots and crack some cold ones. so here are the rules. all of these apply unless you are sam king, then no rules apply.
----SHOTGUN IS CALLED NOT GIVIN. once you are headin back to the vehicle then shotgun may be called. but remember riding shotgun means you are part d.j. and map reader.
----DO NOT PACK MORE THAN WHAT WILL FIT IN A BACK PACK. if there are a lot of people goin. space is very limited. and you got to remember that the camera guy and filmer are gonna have a lot of shit as well.
----IF YOU ARE A BAD DRINKER STAY AT HOME. there is nothin worse than being out in the middle of nowhere with some asshole pukin all over the place and then blacking out. so if becoming a beer-wizard sounds cool to you, but a 6 pack will knock you out. then keep your sorry ass home cuz i had to clean up shit and puke from my two kids and i don't intend to do it for you.
----IF YOU HAVE NO MONEY THEN BRING PRODUCT TO SELL. as you know most skaters are poor and unless you are on a trip with the "shec's" then chances are you gotta cover your beer tab. take it from me there have been many trips where i had to sell shit so i could eat. and if you try to make a 20 dollar a day tab, chances are you will survive.
----SKATE EVERY SPOT. this don't mean you gotta huck your carcass down a 15 stair. try to find somethin else there to film on. who knows you might get stoked on somethin you found other than what everyone else is riding. and there is always gonna be that one spot that you can't do nothin on, so feel free to drink a brew an hold a flash cuz bgp's with a tall can give that footy some extra flair.
-----BRING GOOD MUSIC. nothin can get a session heated like some 80's metal.
----DO NOT LET CHALKER SMOKE ANY TYPE OF WEED. cuz according to c-murda it turns me into a little giggly ass girl.
----GO DAGGER STYLE. this means sleep where ever. bring a sleeping bag and camp under the stars. cuz unless your sponsor is payin for a room, that shit is expensive. don't be afraid to get dirty.
----I HAVE RUN OUT OF SHIT. basically don't be a douche. keep it cool. have a good time. get some good footy, and hopefully have some chix flash you. make new friends and reconnect with old ones. because skateboarding is one of the best things ever.

TWO'S COMPANY ----THREES A CROWD.

what i love about cleaning out old areas, is that you find hidden gems. it's not that they were ever lost. but somehow always gets found. and more importantly proof to my ol' lady that i am capable of shooting a photo. i found a fisheye lens for a video camera in the glovebox, and shot it on a old cannon elf. ok. enough of the logistics here is the story. this was taken on a trip back from seattle while filmin and hangin with the legendary big poppa aka C-MURDA. its adam bulger drivin. chalker at shotgun, and good ol' brian henderson in the back. what i love about this photo is you can see the entire inside of bulgers car. and make sure you look for brian in the back.... but what you cannot see is that moments after this i ripped the hugest, smelliest farts. and if you know me then you know the smell. anyways hendo is passed out, with his mouth wide open just gulping down mouthfuls of my methane madness. me and bulger are laughin so hard we cannot believe brian is still asleep. i think i might have told brian this, but now there is photo proof for those who don't believe. and i will try to find some photos or video of another time we went up with jeff "pizza chief" henderson, ryan "zappy" zapaltas, tony "manfreak" manfre, adam "toebock" crew, and eric "mia" sweet. cuz if i find somethin from these other trips up there be on the lookout. more random tales.
*****CLICK ON THE PHOTO TO ENLARGE*******

ONE EYE WILLIE

-----so saturday hits and i am trying to ge some fools over to the beer-muda to skate. and trying to get a filmer so i can log some footy for the video. well long story short. no filmer and some of my scum ass buddys show........ well break out the dad cam, and here you go. oh yeah and we call em one eye wilie, cuz he got shot in the eye as a kid. also willie i would like to thank you for the hip kickflip challenge. cuz my back really hurts right now.

IT'S THE MAN......MAN

-----so sunday started out like any other sunday. till my vacuum broke. so me and my lady head to target to get one. so lohne calls me to go check a couple of spots. nextthing you know we are headin out to sebastopol to this church that has a bunch of jersey barriers. these are the real deal, no quick crete' for added tranny. lohne gets his back truck up on the shit, and i am getting into wallie boardslides. well as this is goin on i see this guy pop out, looks at us and makes a phone call. can you guess who it was to? well the local law showed up and gave us the boot. so we went to meet some guys over at the skatepark, and head out to the next spot. so danny says he knows about this pool in windsor to hit up. so i hop in lohne's truck and get some road sodas and head over to the pool. we got a god crew and good times to follow. the crew is as follows lohne, chalker, rameriez, koogle, tim, zeke. and ian. oh yeah lets not forget evan and even johnny "grape smuggler" was there. all i can say is there is nothin like skateboarding somethin that wasn't made for skating, with all your friends, havin a cool one. shit, everyone was havin a good time. everyone carved the light but me and grape smuggler. i ended up riding across the light, and grape smuggler was gettin close. after about an hour some dude from the property spots us and we all know were done for. so we all take our last runs, and bounce. luckily for tim, zeke and forest they bailed 5 minutes earlier. so ian is the first the bail the property guy in the golf cart is blocking the entrance. next thing you know sonoma county's finest show up. they got ian at the entrance, and we see what is goin on and we wait. next thing you know the officer is on the gas headin right for us. he gets out and tells us to whip out our i.d.'s he looks right at me and says "what are you smilin for" and i reply " gettin in trouble for skateboarding an abandoned pool" he thought i was high. but then he turns to rameriez and says "have you been smoking marijuana?" so lohne laughed and got sent to the front of the car. and next thing you know the cop has the flashlight in rameriez's eyes. this shit was gettin outta hand. cuz we were legit. no one had anything illegal and they had nothin on us. so they finally told us "next time you are goin to jail" we finally get our asses off the hot hood and leave. so me and lohne pack it up and head back to my pad. on the way we discuss why the fukk do cops seem to give the older guys a guilt trip. one of the cops told lohne to act 33 which we both thought was funny. what the fukk are you supposed to get fat and americanized at 30? fools don't get it. i can't wait till me and lohne are 50 and still gettin harassed. at least we didn't conform do some status which is judged by some preordained society. skateboarders can go to the grave knowin they lived life there own way. so the bottom line is if you got a chance to skate somethin that tis gonna be short lived, hop on the bus...and don't be afraid to skate anything that pops up. cuz a true skater will ride anything. cuz if you are only skating one type of terrain, you arn't gonna get it. =======skate and destroy========

R.I.P. VAN WASTELL

-----today i read that van wastell passed on. life sucks. this kid had more style than all these goons that call themselves pro's. so grab a tall and raise it in the air. here's to you van!

IF YOU DON'T KNOW . NO YOU WON'T KNOW.

so on sunday me and louda go scoot around for a couple of hours to stretch the ol' legs and have a little fun. so louda falls on his hand and stretches it out a little. he has a little pain and it stiffens up. no worries right? just take it easy for a couple of weeks and all will be fine. well that is a skaters attitude towards it. so louda goes into work just like any other day. and his boss calls him in the office and gives him the ol' you know you might wanna stop skateboarding you are not gettin any younger lecture, and if you wanna have some kinda career you need to take a mature standpoint. WHAT THE FUCK? you just don't stop skateboarding. the only way you stop if is the grim reaper snakes you on your last run.and this was not only louda. my buddy beau rolled his ankle at the glory hole, and i work with his dad and he is tellin me that he is gettin to old to skate. which is funny comin from a guy who has a world series softball ring, you would think he wouldunderstand......skateboarding is not baseball where you break your arm and hang it up. the shit is in your soul. when espn stops the coverage then the true riders will emerge. most of my friends work a 9 to 5 and still find the time to rip. this shit pisses me off. most will never know the feeling of walking out your front door and being able to be one with your surroundings. you cant just walk out the front door and play golf? so i guess what i am trying to say if you havent skated for more that 10 years than you won't understand. and if you have then tell the world to suck it! yah i have had a couple of beers and this sounds like a rant. but if you don't skate then shut the fukk up and die from your preinduced bullshit cuz you won't get it. and at least me and my buddies have traveled and seen the world as it really is. not that shit on the hills or the O.C. so get a board and become a road warrior..... and by the way the photo is italian for roll forever.

THE SHECKLER SYNDROME

so yesterday over at revolution skateshop in cotati we had ANDREW RENYOLDS, FIGGY, and COLIN PROVOST for an in store signing. so there was tons of bodies everywhere and word got out around town that there was a pro skater at the shop. now this is where things go really backwords, girls start comin up to the door that i was working and goin is ryan sheckler here? at first i thought nothing of it but more and more girls kept showin up askin for the sheck's. but everytime i told em' it was andrew renyolds they seemed disappointed. so by the time it was over they split and i went home to grab a pizza. so at the pizza place i just told the story to the broad that works there and shae tells me how here daughters love the sheckler. so she asks me what i think about the guy. and if you know me i have no problem voicing my opinion. so i tell here that i am NOT on board with this guys styles. so she fire back at me and calls me a hater. i pause for a moment and tell her you are right. i am a hater. and she proceeds to tell me that i am jealous of the money and the cars and the tv show.
but i told her that i wasn't hatin on that. and she looked confused. "then what could you possibly hate on?" she said. and this was the best cuz, all these people see is what is shown to them on televsion, they have no clue about how skateboarding really works. so i tell her that if someone wanted to make THE LIFE OF CHALKER a tv show then i would do it. not for the fame but to buy a house and put my in my kids future. and we all know if i was a millionare i would still drive my red truck and dress like a complete scumbag. and she wasn't buyin it. so finally i reach the point to tell her why i am a full blown hater.
-----------i let it be known that sheckler is a full blown ripper and when i see his part in the new plan b video i am sure i will be gnarly.
-----------i also wish i had his backlips on hand rails.
----------- but the real reason why i am not on the bandwagon is because of the crap like the photo above that my daughter has in her little magazines. i don't see a skater just another guy tryin to worm his way in my daughters life. and let it be known i am not lookin foward to my kid liking boys cuz i will be fully hatin on that shit. so now ryan has become the enemy.
----------- he also cried when he lost the 3rd leg of the dew cup. come on be a man.
-----------he cries about not be able to have a girlfriend........you a pro skater, bang different hoes in area codes.
------------ the proactive commercial for zit medicine.........for real? as i stated before, i you skate good chicks will flock to you like a 50% off sale at tiffany's.
so there it is in a nut shell. so girls pull your heads out and realize that there is more to skateboarding than the ex-gaymes, the douche cup, and mtv reality shows. if you wanna date a skater just get a 12 pack of pabst and head to your local skatepark. shit if you don't believe me just ask my wife.

JONNY PHONE NUMBERS AKA GRAPE SMUGGLER

favarou Panty Raider


-----what i love about skateboarding is that there is always that one guy that will do whatever it takes to get in the video. and so i present to you jonny phone numbers.

SILAS BAXTER NEAL GETS LOST IN THE BEER-MUDA TRIANGLE.

well silas came over to ride the beer-muda triangle. and guess what? he conquered it with this little line. keep on keepin on brotha. and to the kids go youtube this guy. cuz he kills. maybe you can catch him at the rosa park murdering that shit too.

BEER WIZARD

yeah i know this photo is blurry, but who gives a shit. i had nothin to do last saturday but hang with my family and reach wizard status. let it be known i paid the piper that sunday morning. so remeber when you set your goals let nothin get in your way of reaching them.

THE ROCKETEER

so here we go. another fun game from the crappie, located in wonderful ukiah.
so here is how to play. it works good on a day whena bunch of people are comin over for beers.
1. find a object to be known as the "the rocketeer" (see photo above.)
2. find someone to grab the item known as rocketeer.
3.once they have it, then everyone yells "rocketeer"
4.you can only let go of the rocketeer, if you pass it off on somebody.
5. if you let go of the rocketeer for more than 10 seconds, you get beat on by everyone in the room. but this allows the person in possession to put the rocketeer down.
----once you have done this then find the next person to come thru the door and pass it off on.........welcome to the crappie.
******a little hint, to pass it off on some one else be real sly. say shit like "check out what i found at the goodwill?" then next thing you know someone has to carry this lame ass thing around all day and night.

THE RETURN OF MEXI -MATT.

mexi is comin in hot..........here is another gem for the vaults. oh yeah and canaveri's back tail slide shuv, is pretty sick too.

THE HOT-BUTT

growing up in ukiah is pretty fukken cool. i got to party with all my budiies i skated with, we even had a underground secret language. but in this case we had some cool-ass games. i am sure we are not the first to do this. but we were the first to make it cool. so here is the how-to.
---------THE HOT BUTT---------
1) GET LIGHTER AND MAKE IT AS HIGH AS THE FLAME WILL GO.
2)FIND A BUTT THAT HAS NO ONE WATCHIN.
3)LIGHT UP
4)PUT FLAME DIRECTLY ON BUTT
5)WAIT.........SOMETIMES THIS STEP MAY TAKE A WHILE. SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLE DRINK IT
MIGHT TAKE A WHILE.
6)WATCH AND LAUGH AS THIS PERSON FINALLY REALIZED THEY JUST GOT A HOT-BUTT.
* ON A SIDE NOTE, YOU CAN GET REALLY INTO IT BY RUNNIN YOUR FRIEND AS A BLOCKER TO
DISTRACT THE PERSON AS YOU HEAT EM UP FROM BEHIND.
good ol' ukiah. keep posted for the next game.

POUR SOME OUT FOR THE HOMIES.

this is one of me and josh's favorite comedy routines. we can go on quoting this all day without gettin bored. rest in peace bernie, you were funny as fuck.
"I AIN'T SCARED OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!......KICK IT!--------BERNIE MAC

SNEEK A PEEK

-----i have a ton of footy on the dad cam that will never get used.......until now. check out the latest myspace commercial, before it gets out. yeah, i know but who gives a shit. my homies are gettin some interweb styles, and the chronicles might get somemore readers.

MY MIND IS PLAYIN TRICKS ON ME.

anyone who knows me. knows that my mind is really fukked up. but when i saw this, it threw me for a loop. these broads are not lookin in the right place....... it should be known that this was an ad running side by side in a local newspaper.

WASTED IN MARG-A-RITA-VILLE

back in the summer of 94 i think my buddy conned me into workin at a summer camp with him. this was known as camp "indian head" in pennsylvania. so at the last minute my so called pal, bailed out and left me there alone. little did i know i would be in for another life lesson. so when i get there i have a week of orientation with the rest of the staff, who by the way are mostly from europe. so when the day was done we all got to cool off by the pool. so i am cruzin down in my board shorts and what do i see,a bunch of euros in bannana hammocks, totally bumming me out. so that was one of the lessons i got in euro attaire. so onto another evening...it was my night of from baby sitting a bunch of 13 year olds. i was at the bar and was cravin a margarita. so i pulled my carcass up to the bar and asked the bartender for a frozen treat. she told me that she just had the mix. so i said fine as i watched her put the mix in with some ice and tequila. she handed it to me in a plastic cup. i was fukken perplexed by this back woods margarita. so after i get it a said "what no salt?" and thats when she licked her finger and rubbed it on the rim and dashed salt on it. .....nice
i should known, when your bartender has more fingers on her hand than teeth in her mouth. that somethin just aint right.

DUST OFF THE VCR.

-----a few years back we were filmin for somethin. but the footy never got used for what it was supposed to so jeff found this on his hard drive. i hope you dig. and a big thanks to the pizza chief.aka jetski.for the editing skills and sweet ass song. oh yeah drink a tall can for him. his appendix had to call it quits and no lifting anything for a while.