CRACK A 40

i think i was talkin to willie about 40's of pbr. i see now the 440 (our local hole) is sellin talls. so what the fuck. they need to bring back the 40.

THE BEERMUDA FEATURED IN THE NEW ISSUE OF LOWCARD

so my buddy joey aka buttafuko tells me he has a homie at lowcard and wants to send somethin in on the triangle. cool i say. he tells me he is just gonna pull shit right off the chronicles and put it to disk. even better. now i don't have to do anything. well long story short when your buddy has been drinkin you might want to proof read some shit. i can get passed my name bein spelled wrong. that shit has happened my whole life. but when you misspell the link to get to the chronicles, so that people can see the rest of the photo's.......well thats how shit goes in our scummy ass crew. for those of you that read the article in lowcard, and now are here i welcome you. and congratulate you on figuring out how to get here. please enjoy the lameness inside. and for those that have already been here go ahead and rip on buttafuko. oh yeah if you click on the photo to enlarge thats one eye wille skating the ramp.

GET BEAT BY THE HEAT.

fukk the ice cream man. i want a dude selling coldies of these in my area.

REAL LOSER

if you know me me, i have a lot of ideas about shit with life. but i was on dlxsf.com one day and they had design a real ad contest. i am pretty sure i will not get picked but these were my ideas.

jfa rip


motley rip

ASS OVER TEA KETTLE

so the other day i am on my lunch break readin the paper.(cuz i never made it as a pro skateboarder.) i get done doin the crossword and start on the rest of the filler. i get to this article tellin me how to fall on my board. what i love is that skateboarding is so big everyone is an expert. fools that have a bachelors in some form of medical science tellin me how to fall. i think me and tony one time figured out that you gotta take a slam while warmin up, in order to get the blood flowin. gettin wrecked is a part of skateboarding. it's like a right of passage. sure it sucks when you get really fukked up. but thats how it goes. you pay in blood, sweat, and beers. so do me a favor hop on your board and learn the old fashion way. trial and error. and for the rest of you fukks on the sidelines tellin us what to do. hop on a board eat shit. before you give me a lecture on how to fall.

DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH

so thursday is like another day. until this guy i know brings me this old board he had lying around. he told me about it before saying it had some indy's on it with a unicorn. so when i get it i was stoked. first off it had the og indy 169's. second it had the original sims wheels from the 80's. cool enough. i thought. so on to the deck. at fisrt glance i thought it was an old stedham. but when i turned it over it had a unicorn poster glued to the board. i looked at the top to see if it was a powell. but there was no logo. so i figured i would make some art project outta the deck and ride the trucks and wheels. so i started picking at the logo. realizing there was a graphic underneath. i peeled a little more exposing the paisley's, thinkin what the hell valterra type board is this?. but as i kept goin i made this killer discovery.

this is what covered the board.



this is what i found.................................


if you have never heard of JFA aka JODY FOSTERS ARMY. then now you have this board is original from the 80's . this was a skate rock band that had their own board. and now i had a piece of my teenage years, and also skateboard history.

THE SCUM DISTRICT

so for what ever reason since i moved over to the downtown area. me and my buddies started to call this area the scum district. there are quite a few dirty skaters that live over here. one eye wille, tony c, the loach, mexi-matt, roomate-nate, lohne, hendo, uriah, nacho, myself and who ever else is passed out over at the scum pad. so with this in mind i decided to get a map of the streets of santa rosa. i colored in the area in which we all inhabit. once i traced it all out and colored it in, i made a crazy discovery, my house is the furthest north. the scum pad is the furthest south. can you guess? if you said a pack of smokes. you win! now get up and get yourself a victory beer. first the beermuda triangle and now this.
******CLICK THE PHOTO TO ENLARGE

FUNCTION NEVER FASHION.

i was lookin at the lowcard site when i saw this link to the new creature boards. it seems that they have come correct with a product built in to your skateboard. if you wanna watch the video check out this link.
www.creatureskateboards.com/bruekillers/

oh yeah by the way if you check out the old ussr video. chalker should have patented it back when he was just goofin off. don't worry creature, my ideas are usually years before anyone else's. just ask ponts. if you guys wanna anymore idea's involving beer products hit me up. i still got a few left that know one has ever thought of.

SKATE AND CREATE

if you are livin downtown close to a liquor store. or maybe just a regular store. you are gonna need a cruiser at some point. so i had some parts layin around and mexi-matt needed a smooth roller. this shit is easy to do you don't need any money. unless you wanna get fancy. shit you can bum old parts off your friends.
1-get an old board
2-get a jigsaw and cut a sweet ass pattern
3-find some soft wheels
4-paint it up to your pleasure.
5-roll to the beer store to celebrate.
it's just as fun as a good session with the homies. now you can roll anywhere in style. and skating home from the bar just got a little easier.

THE DIRTY 30

so one eye willie turned 30 on sunday and we had a little session at dan's mini ramp. this is what went down. beer drinking and body slams. and yes i know we all suck.that's life. i had originally put music to it. but it didn't have that back yard feel. so i left it as it was filmed to tape. oh yeah "happy b-day" to willie. so now that he is 30 it's o.k. to grab your board when you are doin some blunt variation.

the chalker chronicles

GET INTO THE GOLD AND OUT OF THE OLD.

so friday rolls around and i get home. i turn on the tv and there is my buddy jeff gettin pulled over by the highway patrol. seems that the emerica wild ride was made into a tv short. so i call him up to tell him. i leave a voice mail and the next thing i know is him and jon miner are on a filming trip in the rose town. we end up meetin at the 440 havin some beers and talking about life. but anyways they are workin on the new emerica video called "stay gold". when it comes out it should be sick. i just saw some footy of the ams. and they are killing it. at least now i can rely on the excuse of i am too old to jump down a stack.

B.G.P.'S

today's lesson is on the bgp. if many of you are unfamiliar with this term i am now gonna give you it's meaning. i sometimes find myself around other people that don't skate and some of the terminology they don't understand. B.G.P. is for "BACK GROUND PROPS". in simple terms it means your are in a photo in the background for some reason. sometimes intentional and other times you have no clue. so i gave you 2 examples. class dismissed.

USSR CREW FEATURED ON SLAP MAG.COM

my buddy josh showed up sunday to skate for a while. it was fun. i got to break away from house duties for a while, and josh got to get some of his slap blog stuff done. if you want to check it out here it is.
http://www.slapmagazine.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=951&Itemid=35

BEER SHOWER

i have been pretty busy lately. so when i need time to relax i have been grabbin a coldie and headin straight to the shower. my ol' lady has been tellin me to get my empty beers out of the shower. but i am always to tired to remember. well anyways i think i was talkin to mexi-matt about it and he had never heard of the beer shower. i was flabbergasted. so to those of you that don't have a hot tub and wanna relax the scumbag style here is the instructions.
1. GET BEER
2. TURN ON SHOWER--GET THAT SHIT REAL HOT
3. GET IN SHOWER
4. OPEN BEER OR BEERS AND MARINADE THE FUKK OUTTA THAT SHIT.
now you can stay in as long as it takes and or until you run outta beers or hot water. this can also be taken up a notch by havin a chick in the shower with you. know what i mean. so there it is in a nut shell. i personally recomend this shit to anyone. but don't copy my styles by puttin a cupholder in the shower.

DON'T DO THE TRICK IF YOU CAN'T DO THE TIME

sometimes i wish skateboarding would die. it's times like this. all though if you go to oregon and washington, this shit wouldn't happen. and when i watched this i tried to find the violation. homie had all his gear on. i just wanted to give a ticket for booty -style on the long board. but this is what happens when you follow the rules at a skatepark. welcome to another round of stupid ass shit.

GET YOUR KICKS ON THE PHILLIPS 66

many of you probably never heard of him. if you skated the 80's someone in your crew had on of his boards. if style won contests he would have won many. there are not to many vert riders that are even in the same style category. if you like niel blender, jason jesse, or even lance mountain. then you should watch this. jeff even invented one of the sickest inverts ever. the phillips 66. you gotta come in fakie and so a layback invert the opposite way. see if you can spot it. and then go try it. also raise a tall for a fallen soldier. he passed away back in 1993. so get a tall of lone star and raise it to one of the styliest riders out there.

HEAVY METAL PARKING LOT.

i don't remember who i was talking to this about, but i couldn't find the full reel but here is a snippet to give you the idea. the 80's kicked ass.

THE AMERICAN DREAM.

the story should go, that i was a poor immigrant from italy only to live my dreams of owning a home in america. but it really goes that i am a trashy italian from ukiah. and now the chalker clan owns a small piece of santa rosa. don't worry i will drink talls for the both of us in celebration. and don't be afriad to come help me move some shit.

R.I.P. LUX INTERIOR

i will never forget the first time i heard of the cramps. i was in 8th grade. i am 35 now so do the math. me and my buddy "scarb" were english and he came into class with this bright ass yellow shirt with the cramps logo and on it was "bad music for bad people". so i asked scarb about it and he explained to me who they were, and i got to listen to them over at "tams" house. they were like elvis on acid. i had no idea that years down the road that i would become a fan. cuz you gotta realize i was at the peak of my hesher-ness in 8th grade. i also remember seeing a subscribe ad in thrasher with lux and rodney mullen backstage at on of their shows. i knew that if rodney was hangin with this guy their music must be good. well i just heard that he passed away yesterday. so raise a tall for Lux. and give up for one of the o.g.'s of psychobilly.

TO PUNK FOR METAL-TO METAL FOR PUNK.

the loudest band on the planet.